I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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