She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
