in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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