hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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