I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
