my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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