I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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