I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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