I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
