My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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