Joe is yelling at the trees again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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