Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
