Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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