Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize