remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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