Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
