hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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