Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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