i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
