The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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