i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish you could order shots online.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
