I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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