sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
