i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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