I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
