We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
