I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
