the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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