i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
