well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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