Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize