I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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