Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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