Do you still have your period?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
