I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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