if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize