Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize