My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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