A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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