I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
