i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
