Your mouth is God's brothel.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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