I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
