it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
