Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
