well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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