I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
