Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
