You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
