i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
