I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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