Non-Jews are for practice
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
