You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
this is an emotional support booty call
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
