well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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