so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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