fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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