He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
