My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
