worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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