It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
